I think people are afraid of women’s pain.

Of women’s anger. Of women’s anguish.

Sometimes when I share that I work with survivors, I hear people suck in a breath.

They say, “Wow, that’s a lot to hold.” Or, “Do you worry about triggering something?”

Yes, it is a lot to hold, and I hold it gracefully. Yes, I do worry about triggering something, and I’m constantly monitoring myself and my students, creating a space to hold them over and over again.

The thing breath suckers don’t understand is that we, survivors, are constantly triggered. Whether it’s going to the doctor or watching Supreme Court hearings or listening to our coworkers chuckle about assault or [insert that other thing that just happened to you]. Being alive is a trigger.

I just wish everyone would make a space for women’s anger. I wish everyone would not be so afraid of us going mad. Because we already are fucking mad. It has already happened and is currently happening. Get the fuck over it.

Alexa Sunshine Rose

Born Anew

Winter comes and I am born anew
Still fresh from the mother's womb
Held by the ancient ones
They sing their songs to me
Having patience
I am learning

CHORUS
Through me all life's turning
Like a waterwheel turning
And though I see the seasons
Mother remains
Father remains
Mother remains

One step and then another
My life unfolds
Opening her petals like the rose
I cannot claim to know what lies ahead of me now
But having trust
I am learning

Spiraling up to the sky from my roots
Like a redwood tree
Mother I hear your song in me
Strength of the earth inside
On spirits breath shall I rise
Having faith to climb
I am learning

CHORUS
Through me all life's turning
Like a waterwheel turning
And though I see the seasons
Mother remains
Father remains
Mother remains
Father remains
Mother remains

Winter comes and I am born anew
Still fresh from the mother's womb
Held by the ancient ones
They sing their songs to me
Having patience
I am learning

Having trust
I am learning

Having faith to climb
I'm learning

CHORUS
Through me all life's turning
Like a waterwheel turning
And though I see the seasons
Mother remains
Father remains
Mother remains
Father remains
Mother remains

Did She Know?

Did she know,
eon ago,
how dusty the road would be,
when she was born?

Eon ago,
a purple ring
rounded her moon.

Did she know
that lifetime after lifetime,
someone would try
to steal her body?

Did she know
they would steal her
from the insides out
and she would take herself back,
again and again?

Lifetime after lifetime,
she reels in her organs like a broken fishing line.

Because eon ago,
she sipped a freedom
that burned like bourbon
and sent deep blue waves
through her veins.

And she promised her soul
she would never let it go.

exhale

long and deep

do it again

don't do it perfect

-

notice that you need to inhale to exhale

notice how your lungs hurt

notice 

-

bite down on him

instead of your aching teeth

tell him the truth through a smile

how many rapes does it take

to make it stop

to find peace and freedom and safety in our bodies

-

i see a world beyond this

in which women are loved and free

in which we heal ourselves

and each other

-

i can see it

i feel it

it's here